M.I.A.

I didn't fall off of a cliff..don't worry

Sorry to those of you who read my blog and have been disappointed with my lack of posts. This month has been ridiculously crazy! Plus, I kinda spilled soda on my keyboard and now my keys are all sticky and its darn near impossible to type and its frustrating.. I had planed to type up a more detailed post, but I'm giving up on that because of my stupid keyboard...

Sorry loves! Catch me on facebook ;)

"Ashhhhhhhh I LOVE!"

[insert picture of Preston and my other kiddies here]
We're not allowed to take pictures of the kids.....
Which makes sense, because it protects them
Cause once they're picture is on the internet, its stuck forever
But I still want pictures :/

For those of you who don't know, I work in a preschool. I primarily teach in the 4-5 year old class, as well as the 18month-24month old class. Well today, I didn't get to go to either class! I had to help out in the 2-3 year old class because one of their teachers was sick. I was really bummed, because I have a special bond with my kids and they just light up my day!

Anyway, so at recess today, my 18month-24month old 'Guppies' were out on the playground, so I ran over to go say hi. Preston, who is about two years old, looked up at me, dropped his bucket, smiled the biggest smile I had ever seen, and ran over to me faster than all the other kids. For the first time ever, he shouted, "Ashhhhh I LOVE!" and gave me the biggest hug ever. :) That really made my day for a few reasons. One, I missed those kids so much, especially him, and he can talk, but I have never ever heard him say one word since I've been working there (which has only been a month, but still!). When he talks, he nods his head, or uses sign language for 'please' and 'thankyou' and when he understands you, he smiles. If he doesn't understand..well..you just know, and if he's sad he puts his hands over his eyes. He's a cute kid for sure.

Well, I love that kid. I love all my kids, but seeing things like this happen just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy :)

Kids really are God's greatest blessing, even if they aren't yours.

Three Years Ago Today

-phone rings-

Hello Ashley Rose

...Hi mom

I just wanted to tell you I'm celebrating my anniversary

...of what?

Leaving your idiot father. Three Years ago today

-click-

Well... that was a nice reminder.. I guess...?

So my parents officially separated three years ago today.

In a way, I'm sad.. but I am actually more happy than not.

HOW?!

Well, I'll tell you

Its sad to me that I cannot remember a day when my parents didn't fight. They fought about everything. The outfit my mother wore, why my dad was still in bed sleeping, the jelly my mom bought from the store, why my dad wouldn't get off the computer to drive me to school, how come my mom had to go to the gas station every other day, why my brother and I were eating goldfish when we knew it was banned from our house (because apparenly it makes you fat), why I had a pet snake, etc., etc., etc. It was ridiculous.

I'm not gonna go into the details of why my family got divorced, but ever since then my relationship with my parents has been...well.. shot to hell. And that's saying it nicely.

I trusted my mom more than anyone. I literally told her everything. She was like my best friend and I stood up for her every time my dad yelled at her or my brother hit her. That is, until I found out all the lies she had told me my whole life. All that time, I thought it was her who ruined everything in my family, and tricked me into blaming it all on my dad. Once I found out the truth in her lies, I took my dads side of the argument and treated my mom sooooo poorly.

My dad and I never had a good relationship. He was never the dad that made me feel like I was daddy's little princess, and he never helped me financially the two times I asked him, and it wasn't like I was asking him for hundreds of dollars. I'm talking like.. ten bucks to get gas so I could get to school.. We always fought, yet he never gave a crap about where I was and what I was doing...unless I was gone past 10pm until I was seventeen at which point I came and left the house as often as I wanted without telling him.

Over the summer, we got into another fight and I just flat out told him that I couldn't handle this. I moved out and there wasn't a single thing he could do about it. I got married and was living my own life, the way I wanted, with no drama. I cut ties with my mom for a little bit so I could work on my own life, and that's when I completely cut ties with my dad, for good. His girlfriend called me and told me that he had been cheating on her for the entire year and a half they were dating, because she found emails on his computer; emails that were from a few years before my parents started considering to split up. That sickened me. I had blamed my mom for everything when it was both of them all along. I was so hurt to hear that my dad had been lying to me too when he heard me cry my heart out after what my mom had done to our family, and he still had the balls to lie to my face, and lie to my brother too!

Not too long after I moved out, my dad accused me of being pregnant, and said that that was the reason I moved out. Uhm, I think if I was pregnant, I would have known first...

So anyway, I wasn't too thrilled with the phone call I had with my mother because I really did not need flash backs of the split up. But I am still so glad they split up. It was much better living in a house where I didn't speak much to my dad and was able to do basically what I wanted, rather than hearing them fight 24/7. And I literally mean 24/7. I'm just thankful for the whole process because it taught be a lot about trust, honesty, communication, and relationships. I know exactly what not to do or say to people and how to really build a strong family foundation for my own family.

Now, how many people would say they're thankful their parents split up?

The Lords Plan

(typography by me)

Inspired by a conversation I had with one of my good friends, Alix Paige.

When I was younger, and had gone through several rough relationships and break ups, I always wondered when or if I would ever find someone who would ever consider marrying me. I would sit at the park by my house and watch people walk by and wonder 'maybe my future husband is some how related to them.' You know what I mean? You never know where that person is.. they could go to the same school as you, you could meet them at a grocery store, it could be the ride operator at Disneyland, or that one guy who drove past you when you were walking to your car at the mall. You just never know. Mine happened to be a waitor at a 50s diner who lived seven minutes away from me, and was 'one of those crazy mormons.' Trust me, I wasn't expecting that one to happen... but I'm grateful for the Lord's timing and the man whom He chose to send me.

The number one thing that I always try to remember is that the Lord has a time and a place for everything. For example, no matter how bad I wanted to know if my current crush 'the one,' I know that the Lord would show me who he was when He wanted to and when He needed me to know, but until then I had to learn and see what type of relationship I was really looking for. I got into some pretty messy relationships and friendships, and I was taunted by Satan so many times. All the while, it was the Lord trying to just get through my thick hotheadedness and basically say:

"Hey girl, what are you doing....."

Then along came Mr. Amazing. Whom was also spending time after time on his knees, asking the Lord where the woman was that he needed in his life.

Then on August 18th, 2008

BAM!

We met :)

Did I have any idea at all that he was LDS?

Nope.

Did I ever think I would even step foot inside and LDS church or pick up that crazy blue book? Ya right..

And whats worse than that?!

I fell for the stupid Mormon...

Greatest blessing of my life

I knew my life was missing something, I just wasn't sure what it was... but the Lord knew. Meeting Jayson seriously changed my life in so many ways, besides that I'm now his wife. But it literally saved my life. I was struggling a lot with my parents starting to decide that it was time for them to get divorced, and I was getting lost in drugs and alcohol and hanging out with the wrong people at all the wrong times. I was destroying my life before it even started. I was watching it crumble before my eyes, and justifying the way I lived it. I was destroying myself. Completely.

I strongly believe that the Lord places people in your life for a reason when you need that reason most. I believe that Jayson was placed before me to show me that I needed to know just how much my Father in Heaven loved me, and that He had a plan for me. Once I understood that completely, it changed my life around. And I am forever thankful.

So enough about my iffy life and such. Jayson spent long nights on his knees praying for me, while I said prayers in my heart, asking where he was. When the Lord needed us to meet, he placed us in each others lives, just the way He intended it.

So like I said, you never know where your significant other is, or who they are. They may be your neighbor whose praying on their knees right this very moment. The important thing is, you have to know, trust, and believe with all your heart that you Father in Heaven will place that person before you when He believes you are ready.

Just be patient.

(typography by me)

Young and Married

Anderson.

Ashley Rose Anderson

Yep, that's my new name!

So being nineteen and married... what the heck was I thinking? I was thinking how amazing my husband is and how blessed I am to be married to him.

But I'm too young?

FALSE.

Here is why

[in my opinion]

Marriage doesn't depend on how old you and your spouse are. What do I mean? Well, my family always told me to wait 'till I'm older' to be married. And they never gave me a reason why, all they said was 'because you'll end up getting divorced.'

(Just so you know, only two couples in my family are still married. My grandparents on my dad's side and my aunt and uncle on my mom's side. Everyone else is either still single or divorced)

So back to what I said earlier. Marriage doesn't depend on how old you and your spouse are. Any relationship depends on constant dedication from both people 100% of the time.

It takes hard work, trust, love, and communication.

[AKA- the dedication]

Yes, I am young, and I don't know everything there is to know about life/family/marriage/etc. but that's just it. I'm young, and I don't know all those things, but I am learning.

Jayson is young too. He will be twenty-two this June. But he is learning, he is honest, loving, and dedicated to this relationship and making it work. I believe that's what it takes. I've seen my family go through divorce and let me tell you up front, it is depressing to watch them just flat out give up on each other. And that's why they got divorced- because they gave up!

When you marry someone, you make a promise.

Not just one, but several.

To love and cherish them
To stand by their side through thick and thin
To always work things out
To stand up for one another
To learn and grow together
To love and be loved in return

No one is perfect, and there is no such thing as a perfect marriage,

but mine is exactly what I wanted.

No, I did not wear a white dress that I've dreamed about all my life
I did not wake up six hours before my wedding to do my hair and make up
I did not have a lavish ceremony or reception
I only have about 10 photos of the ceremony
I did not have a guest list or a cake
Or a dance floor or a first dance
I didn't have any of that

I had what I wanted...
HIM
Promising to be mine forever.

But don't get the wrong idea, a Temple Marriage is definitely in the plan book for us.

And it will happen.

That's when I'll find the perfect white wedding gown that will make me cry.

That's when I'll seal myself to my husband for time and all eternity
That's when I'll have the hundreds of photos to remember the sacred covenants we made
That's when I will actually force my hair to curl and stay that way for a whole day
That's when I'll get my make up professionally done.

But even if I get all of that and have that 'dream wedding'.....
the only thing that will matter to me is that when I'm kneeling across the alter,
I'll be holding the hands of the most perfect man that my Heavenly Father has blessed me with

Jayson Curtis Anderson