Truth is: I am CANNOT do everything by myself...

I've had a really rough weekend ever since Thursday night when I had my dream about the temple. It's made me go back and really evaluate my progression as a Latter-Day Saint over the past four years, and I can't say that I've progressed nearly as much as I should have. It saddens me... because I know that I am better than the example that I have been, and I know that I can do so much better. I have to start preparing for the future...

My biggest downfall in life is that I think I can handle every ounce of burden and pain on my own. I've been pretty good at it my whole life, since I've gone through a lot of rough situations that most people my age haven't had to go through and I'm proud to say that 90% of the time, I've come out of it far better than any statistic has thought possible. But there are a lot of things, where I've just brushed off and thought "I can handle it" and then when I realize that I can't, I can't change what I've done to ease the pains or change the circumstances.. This weekend has really made me realize just how much I need Heavenly Father and how much I need to allow theatonement and the love of my Savior in my life. I know that He loves me unconditionally....but it still makes things hard... What makes it harder is that He is the one person that I don't ever want to disappoint but I know I have, and I know that by not doing this one little thing that's been sitting on my shoulder for quite some time is only disappointing Him more and more as the days go by..

I hate hearing the words "I'm disappointed in you" from anyone. That's worse than someone telling me they're mad at me. I don't know what I'm more afraid of... someone that's related to me whose telling me they're disappointed in me, or feeling like the Lord is disappointed in me... I guess they're both pretty terrible to hear, but... GAH. At this point I'm just rambling... but I have so much emotion right now that I don't know how to explain it all in a way that makes sense....

My son, Peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;
-D&C 121:7