"Wise parents prepare their children to get along without them. They provide opportunities for growth as children acquire the spiritual maturity to exercise their agency properly"
-Larry Y. Wilson
Sunday Afternoon Session
182nd General Conference
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints
A fair few of you know how beyond scared I am of being pregnant and going through labor... but I am far more scared of being a parent than being pregnant..
Most of you readers know my family story, but if not, I'll give you a slight overview. My parents were never married. They told me that if you're 'with' someone fore more than seven years, then the state of California declares you as... well..not married, but basically married. I'm not too sure how true that statement is but that's what I grew up knowing. Any how, when I was sixteen, right around the time I started going to church, my parents officially decided that they would be splitting up and my mom would be moving out. It really hurt at first, but at the same time, I knew that things would be better if they weren't living under the same roof anymore.... I was going through a pretty tough time in my life when they finally got 'divorced'. I lost a lot of trust for both of my parents and it really affected me more so than I thought... Thankfully my hubbster and I met that same summer and I started going to church, cause besides him that was the only thing that was keeping me sane.
Anyhow, as the days passed by, I was terrified of the thought of one day being a parent. I promised myself that I would give my future family all the things that I never had. This past General Conference, one of the talks that stood out the most to me was by Larry Y. Wilson, titled "Only Upon the Principles of Righteousness." It's about parenting. The quote at the beginning of this post stuck out the most: "Wise parents prepare their children to get along without them...." It made me realize how much I hadn't been taught by my parents.
Elder Wilson later goes on to say that "...when setting firm limits for another person is in order, those limits should always be administered with loving patience...." I'm so scared that I'll fail to do this when speaking with my kids.. Whenever my dad would set limits, or even have a discussion with me or my brother, he would yell and scream and our reaction would be to yell and scream back. It would be a never ending war of seeing who can put the other down the most and who can yell the loudest. Basically the lesson that my brother and I had grown a custom to is that 'if you're yelling the loudest, then you're the one whose right.' So in that case, my dad was right about everything, and he was very good at telling us that we were wrong, no matter what it was. I'll admit, I am very hard-headed. I always want to be right. I sometimes feel like I think I know the answer to everything, and I am quick to be angry and prove my point in any way that I can to make sure that 'I'm right.' I'm just so afraid that I'll end up doing that with my own children, and I know that that is so very wrong...
The other ever so popular quote that I have seen parents use without actually saying it is 'It's my way or the highway.' Elder Wilson also says, "...we cannot force others to do the right thing....the scriptures make it clear that this is not God's way..... learning opportunities are lost when controlling persons pridefully assume they have all the right answers for others" The main thing to remember is that you are not the one who has all the answers, and you do not know the plan that Heavenly Father has for other people. All you know is the plan that He has for you and that He will be there to help and guide you as a parent so long as you seek after his counsel. The only way your child/children will learn this is by teaching them how to pray and receive answers to their prayers.
No, I am not a parent. No, I do not know how I will be when it is my time to be a parent. However, I do believe that you have to be willing to learn, grow, admit when you're wrong, not be prideful when you're right, realize that no matter how upset you may be that you need to go about things with love and the intention of helping your family and your children to learn and grow with you and grow your bond with each other as well as Heavenly Father. I am not sure how I will go about teaching my children about having free agency, learning right from wrong, etc., and I won't know until that day comes. With all that in mind though, from the time of conception until they are four years old is the most important part of their lives because they're little brains soak up everything and while they may not remember 90% of that time of their life, the way they act and react to certain things as they grow up will be a reflection on the things they learned during that period of their life. Parenting is a scary thing, but I have the love and guidance of my Heavenly Father, as well as my wonderful husband, Jayson.
Now since we're on the topic of 'parents'.....
I know a few of you want little mini Jayson and Ashleys running around but no, I am not pregnant, and no, Jayson and I are not currently planning on having kids. We both want to start our family sometime in the near future, however our number one goal right now is to be sealed in the temple. We still don't know when that day will be but we are working toward it. My standpoint on starting a family is, if it's supposed to happen, Heavenly Father will let it happen. We aren't trying to have kids, and we aren't trying to prevent having kids. We're leaving it in the hand of the Lord and if and when that time comes, He will let it come, and it will be the greatest blessing of our lives.
